BLACKSBURG, Va. - A student at Virginia Tech massacred at least 30 people in the deadliest shooting rampage in modern U.S. history, cutting down his victims before the university could grasp what was happening.

when i first read this, i was flooded with many emotions. the following was my thought process of this tragedy:

i was shocked.

"didn't this just happen in amish country? columbine? this can't be happening again? can it?"

i was angry.

"why don't they prohibit handguns in the states? what is a handgun? it serves one purpose. to kill people. if only he didn't have access to them."

"why didn't the university handle it in a more appropriate manner? he killed 2 people...hung around the campus for 2 hours...then killed 30 more? how could the university not do a better job informing and evacuating the students?"

"where were the authorities? the police?"

"who is this guy? how selfish is he? you hate life. you hate yourself. but did you have to kill so many? couldn't you just have killed yourself (what an awful thought)."

"bullies! why did you have to pick on him? your relentless mockery and bullying caused this? are you happy? look what you've done."

i felt fear.

"i teach. if it could happen there, couldn't it happen anywhere? is one of my students capable of doing this?"

i felt obligated.

"what about his family? his friends? why couldn't they have told him he was loved? i must do a better job listening to people. so many people are hurting and struggling. i need to tell my family and friends they're loved. i need to reach out to new people. what if my one loving word or action could prevent a tragedy."

i felt sad.

"there are 33 family's missing a member today. there are thousands missing a friend."

i felt hopeless.

"there's so much tragedy. will it ever end? will things ever get better?"

i felt hope.

"look at 9/11. columbine. people rallied together. people prayed. people thought about life and death, and realized how short life is. people started thinking about God. people didn't take each other for granted. people didn't take life for granted."

i felt ashamed.

"i felt ashamed because i felt these things... shock, anger, fear, sadness, hopelessness. honest feelings they may be, but signs that i'm not trusting God is in control. i know He's in control. but i try to force my rationale and my solutions to all these problems."

i felt victory.

"i prayed about it, let go of my control, and gave it to God, trusting He will work it out according to His glory, will, and timing."

please pray for the victims friends and families.